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I'm starting to wonder what's really worth it in life. What's really worth going for? How do we prioritise? Why should one event take precedence over another? I've always tried to tell myself to live life as it comes. Never think too much about one step and the next and how what I do now may affect my life later. And yet, I realise I seem to calculate my every action, how what I do will benefit me, how it'll affect others, I try to manipulate the outcome of things and frankly it's tiring. I'm sick of it, of trying to second guess the outcome of everything that I do, of everything that's done. Cause in the end I don't know what I'm guessing at, I don't know what outcome I want. Is it really worth the stress on myself? Sometimes it's just so hard to do what we set out to do, I tell myself tomorrow's the start, but how many tomorrows do I have till As arrive? I thought that I'd learn from my promos but being safe just breeds a false sense of security. I think all the time of not being good enough for others but in the end I realise I'm not good enough for MYSELF. In the end it's me that I'm letting down, it's my own expectations I'm not living up to. Everyone has a potential, not everyone is born a genius but we all have the potential to excel, all we need is to work at it, to work on ourselves until we realise the latent potential we have. I miss the feeling where everything used to be easy, where grades were always high, just a matter of how high. But then again, back then things were easy because I was drilled, I worked at it, and it became like a second nature for me. I lost that after entering secondary school, now I'm gonna get it back, it's not a choice anymore, it's obligatory.
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