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It's like they say in the movies, worlds apart. Two people who live in two different circles that don't intersect. I'd have to thank the two people who have kept my secret (if you guys are reading I think you can guess, anyway you two are just about the only people who read this) for keeping it thus far, but I have to say you no longer have to hold your silence if you can't, for the simple reason, I don't think it affects me anymore. Having would be nice, but I'm doing just fine without.

It seems to me that I always have one thing or another to keep from the world, from those around me. It's always something that scares me, so much so that I don't know what to do with what I feel. I sometimes wonder if it would be easier to live without feeling, but then I know that without feeling, I wouldn't feel the elation when I see her smile, when I'm with my friends, when I'm doing things worth my while. No, there's too much in life for me to be wasting my time on the impossible.

When I find that something really worth it, I will take the risk, I will make that leap of faith and I will pick myself up again after I fall. But I don't think that time is now, and I don't see that time coming anytime soon in the year to come. It seems to me as though we've seen all we have to see so far, there's nothing new coming up the horizon just yet. Right now I think I'm being driven by blind faith, in the hope that somewhere along the line I will find that someone worth taking the leap for. Everything up to this point has proven to me that all I wished for amounts to nothing, I don't get everything I want and I don't have to, I survived this far without and i'll be damned if I stop now.

Having would be nice, but I'm doing just fine without.

~I need to try to get to where you are,
could it be, you're not that far?~
| 11:46 PM |